nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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