Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Jerry, you need to find god
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
