she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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