Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
