I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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