I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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