There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
