Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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