I wish I could teleport
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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