Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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