Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
