you're like a bully in the Christmas story
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
