you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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