I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
