Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
