He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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