i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
