He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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