U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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