the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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