that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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