We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
