He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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