Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
