I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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