I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
