He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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