I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
