his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
