I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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