Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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