Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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