If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
