I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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