is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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