my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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