Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
