Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
