Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
