i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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