my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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