dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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