Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
