I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
being pregnant is like rehab
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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