Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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