Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
