I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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