You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
what day is it and did you see me today?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
