I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
