I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
