If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
