Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
