ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
