Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Randomize
